STAR TREK GENERATIONS (1994)

This year marks the twentieth anniversary of the release of 1994's STAR TREK GENERATIONS, an event that is more momentous for me than it might be for others.  It was also twenty years ago that my father passed away suddenly.  Oddly enough, these two events are connected.  Not only did they occur within weeks of each other, but my dad should have been there in the theater alongside me, watching the new STAR TREK film when it premiered.   Instead, the movie emerged as a bittersweet touchstone, now always reminder of this major turning point in my life and one that is special to me more so than for other fans.

When STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION premiered in 1987, it quickly became a program that my family all watched together each Saturday.  My parents had been casual fans of the original 1960's series and the movies that began a decade later.  I say casual, in that for mom and dad it existed primarily as viewed entertainment which they thoroughly enjoyed, but this never expanded out into the big world of TREK conventions, books, action figures or collectibles of any kind, though this would all eventually populate my world.  In fact, my dad wasn't normally a sci-fi kind of guy when it came to entertainment, as he was mainly interested in the genres of war, spies and sports.  Nevertheless, if the story and characters appealed to him, then he was all in, starships or not.

In Summer 1988 we moved from Durham to Rocky Mount.  When the new TV season ramped up in the Fall, THE NEXT GENERATION was nowhere to be found on any of our local networks.  It was a syndicated series and thus local stations had the option of whether or not to add it to their schedules.  My father actually penned letters to the editor of the Rocky Mount newspaper stating what a quality program this new TREK series was, how we as a family watched it together and that it deserved to be broadcast.  I remember reading his letter in the paper, surprised that he went to such lengths, as I didn't realize it had meant that much to him.  Maybe it was simply the fact that the show had become a weekly ritual for us.  Maybe he just hoped to see more of the exotic, raven-haired cast member Marina Sirtis every Saturday.  I'll never know if this had any effect on the TV station or if the wheels already were in motion, but fairly soon THE NEXT GENERATION was broadcast in Rocky Mount.

The series wrapped up in June 1994.  I was home from college for the Summer, having completed my junior year at UNC-Chapel Hill.  The 2-hour final episode was a much-anticipated event in the household.  For me, it felt like the end of an era as the show's seven-year run had accompanied me through high school and all but my last year of college.  Those years of major life changes were always brightened by the presence of this series.  It helped me personally and I loved that it had been a constant companion for my family too, providing us memorable shared memories.  When the finale ended, in beautiful fashion I might add, the one consolation was the fact that the cast's transition to the big screen would occur in November, only several months away.  Funny enough, I recall my dad noting to me that THE NEXT GENERATION had actually eclipsed the original in his opinion, becoming his favorite.  I think he might have found a kindred spirit in the learned, thoughtful character of Captain Picard (played by Patrick Stewart) and I can't say I blame him.   

I remember November 5th being a crisp Saturday.  Finally, I had decided to attend one of UNC's football games, seeing as how I'd yet to use my student pass.   For some reason, I left the game at halftime and not long after arriving back at my dorm, my mom called. Something terrible had happened to my father.  She said it was like a stroke.  Paramedics were with him now and headed to the hospital.  With no further details, I jumped into my car and began the ninety minute drive towards home.  In my own thoughts during the drive, I never once considered the possibility that he wouldn't recover.  It just seemed too far-fetched, really. 

Finally at the hospital, I met up with my mom, who guided me into the emergency room.  There were several  nurses attending to my father as he lay prone on the table, seemingly unconscious.  It was explained to me that he had suffered a brain aneurysm that morning while at home.  Mom had been out shopping while my sister Meri had been upstairs, out of earshot and initially unaware that anything had occurred.   As she cradled my father's head in her hands, my mom announced that I was in the room and urged him to focus on me.  He was still so unresponsive, dazed yet almost trying to speak.  I will never forget seeing that his pupils were now completely, strangely black.   It's an image that still haunts me.  He soon slipped into a coma and we all took up residence at the hospital, nervously awaiting any improvements in his condition.

I still wasn't convinced that he wouldn't wake up.  I was pensive but not distraught.  I remember not joining in with family and friends when they prayed together, but then I've always found praying difficult and uncomfortable.  Looking back, I'm annoyed at my younger self for not participating for the sake of his father's recovery.  Nevertheless, by Monday nothing more could be done to help.  Each of us spent time alone with him, to say goodbye.  The last actual conversation between he and I was by phone, around two weeks prior.  In an ironic twist, this simple phone call now carries such emotional weight for me, an unexpectedly pivotal, treasured memory.  It's as momentous as if I'd been chatting with the Dali Lama.  I'm so glad I told my dad that I loved him before we each hung up that day. 

A few weeks later, STAR TREK GENERATIONS arrived in cinemas.  On opening night, I walked to the theater closest to my dorm, knowing only as much about the movie's plot as the trailers had revealed.  I found myself held rapt by this first big screen adventure of my favorite TREK crew, though it was an adjustment watching with strangers in 35mm Dolby Digital following years on a 24-inch TV screen.  I was inadvertently struck by the movie's overarching theme, that of dealing with the inescapable fact of losing our loved ones.  During the course of the story, Captain Picard learns of the tragic deaths of both his brother and nephew, while the villain, Soran (played by Malcolm McDowell) had years earlier lost his wife and child.  The main conflict arises due to Soran endangering innocent lives as a consequence to his plan to return to his family.  Admittedly, this could be considered a downbeat topic for a STAR TREK film, however in my world, it came along at the absolute perfect time.

At the close of the film, Picard espouses his view on loss, what he's discovered through his life, in that we should relish all moments and understand that what we have now won't ever return.  I choked up at hearing this.  I don't know if the lesson would have struck me as much if I hadn't experienced such a loss of my own, plus I felt it double since it originated from a NEXT GENERATION movie.  My dad's sudden passing was still too surreal to process.  I likened it to waking abruptly from a long dream in which I had a father, but this was actually reality, a life without him.  It was painful to realize I could never again connect to the time when he existed.  Finality of that sort is tough to reconcile with, but in absorbing the message in GENERATIONS I strive to enjoy my memories of him, making them part of my present and not focus on his absence.  It continues to be a struggle.

I saw the movie three times that month in theaters, the last viewing with my mom.  I didn't relay any plot details to her beforehand and it turned out to be a very emotional experience for her too.  While the end credits rolled, we stayed in our seats and talked... about the film, my dad and wondering how we could all continue without him.  He was so greatly missed in ways both small and large, even just wishing he could have joined us at the movies that day.  His passing reshaped our family in a manner that required great adjustment.  Growing older and further away from the days when he lived saddens me, since recollections dim.  I realize my time with him becomes less than the time without him.

GENERATIONS might not be the most popular among the entries in the TREK film series, but it remains special to me, beyond what the filmmakers could have intended.  Each day there are uncounted reminders of my father, including many movies, but this one in particular has become a time capsule for me, linked forever with everything I felt at his passing.  At the funeral, I spoke of one consoling thought of mine - the hope that by being his son it meant some part of him might still be present in my every day life.  I wanted to keep sharing with him what I saw, heard, read and felt.  The parts of me which reflect him as a father I'd like to believe are the best parts of myself.  And I hope he would be proud.